Best of 2019

Irony On Life Support

In 2019, Trump’s total lies exceeded 15,000. That’s a lot of lies, but it’s also in a Machiavellian sort of way, impressive. Think about it; that’s more than fourteen lies a day. It’s nearly impossible to talk that much without accidentally uttering some truth. But that was just a small part of the 2019 sh*t-show. Rudy met with Russians and mobsters, Bill Barr surrendered whatever soul survived Iran-Contra, Mitch and Lindsey sent out wedding invitations, Jim Jordan’s stained wrestling mat resurfaced, still no tax returns, and oh yeah, Trump impeached himself by, ironically, telling he truth. National Edwin R. Murrow award-winner and comedian/talk-show know-it-all Chip Franklin chronicles the year with his caustic wit and usual aplomb. NSFW, especially if you work at the White House.

There's an old saying that if you can't see the con, then you're the mark.

The "chosen one" isn't a urine-stained sofa cushion named Trump; it's a guy in a field named Juan.

Obamacare; if it's the name that bothers you, call it Trump care. But of course, he'll deny every claim.

Our voting machines are about as safe as a fifteen year-old wrestler in Jim Jordan's Rec room.

There are a lot of people who say white privilege doesn't exist. But for the record, they're all white.

The whistle-blower proved what we all suspected; Trump hasn't lost it. He never had it.

Trump; a tiny, little man so consumed with fear that his Tourette-like utterances baffle the most learned mental health experts.

How many members should the Court have? 15? 17? How bout a number higher than the age of the girls Kavanaugh used to attack in high school?

Comey? Mueller? If you want a reputation for doing the right thing, you gotta do the thing.

Next Thanksgiving, ask your FOX watching uncle why he supports Communists, and if he's still a *$%#, have a couple of Russian hookers pee in his gravy.

Matt Goetz is a dim Florida man who can’t read the menu at a Cracker Barrel without getting a nosebleed.

McConnell controls Trump like the Man in the Yellow Hat. But here's the truth; The Man in the Yellow Hat isn't very bright and Curious George now has the nuclear codes.

Immigrants are stealing American jobs? Really? Ask 20 yr-old Skippy if he'll go pluck dead fowl at a Mississippi chicken farm. Not likely.

It's a sad world where a white man molested by priests comes forward and he's a hero, but a woman assaulted by men does he same and she's a whore. But is anyone surprised?

Poor lil Jeff. After Trump stole whatever manhood he had left, Sessions is now trying to pick up the pieces of his pathetic little life by cowering before the Supreme Jizzmaster.

It's strictly mob sh#t. Zelensky's thinking, "I'm just a comedian; my people are starving, my soldiers are dying, I need the aid, but what the %$#@ do they want me to do?"

The US desperately needs a sane immigration policy , not a racist xenophobe and lackey chicken-shat right wing media. Bottom line; You can't support a racist without being a racist.

If Republicans actually believe Trump is innocent, they would seek the documents and testimony of Bolton, Rudy, Mulvaney, Pompeo and Barr.
But they don't. And you know why.

So, five old men with flaccid penises tell women the "what-for" about their uteruses? Why them? They spent the last 50 years fumbling around the clitoris, now they're experts on women's plumbing?

A President, two crooked attorneys and a mobster. All that's missing is Joe Pesci and a shovel. But hey, it was a perfect phone call.

The reason every president the last 75 years puts their holdings in a trust, and lets everyone see their taxes is to show the world, "Hey, I'm not here to $#@* you." Trump's here to $#@* you.

The key to the cult is denying the believers access to journalism and instead giving them a daily HannityTucker; which sounds like a proctological evacuation because that's exactly what it is.

Twitter allows me to see Trump for exactly what he is; an excessively dim man who was born on third base and cried touchdown!

Trump wants to read the Ukraine transcript to the nation like Roosevelt's "Fireside Chats." Watching Donnie Five Chins stumble thru three-syllable words is like Devin Nunes in a spelling bee.

© 2020

Videos written, produced, edited, filmed by Chip Franklin. Web design and graphics by Rex Poole. Thanks to Rex, Wendy, Nikki, Getty Images, NBC Universal, Viacom, Warner Media, Walt Disney, Sony, Lionsgate, Amblin Group, Jimmy Kimmel and anyone else I forgot.

Inside the Beltway