“The drops of rain make a hole in the stone, not by violence, but by oft falling.” -Lucretius
So I’m at the gym, and there’s big TV in the locker room. Mitch McConnell is bloviating about how Kavanaugh will be the best Justice of all-time, bla bla bla..and I’m seething inside but outwardly simply shaking my head. We’re all naked except for towels and these two guys next to me say, “we’re Republicans and even we think this is screwed up.”
And then behind the three of us is a guy in his mid-forties, all set to go work-out and he says, “she’s a lying whore.”
Now what happened next shook me to my core. Without a thought, without missing a beat, I took three steps toward him, stood in his face and said, “say it again and I’ll put you on the ground.”
Now, he was in good shape and I haven’t been in a fight since college. He backed away muttering about how Trump won and I’m a loser. I looked over at the other two guys and they scurried away. I stood there in my towel and felt a trickle of sweat and a tremble set in. My pulse jumped up considerably and I went to my locker, shaken and gravely disturbed.
What if I had assaulted him? I know how to fight. He could have been hurt. I might have gone to jail, maybe lost my home, my job…
And what would I have accomplished? Hit this ignorant putz and lost everything in the process?
I struggle with my privileged place in this world. My life is safe, contrasted with the plight of women, people of color, LGBT, victims of systemic poverty and people whose faith differs from these strange, white men.
And violence is not the solution. In fact, it’s exactly what they want. Because when I resort to their level, I lose the high ground, and become twisted in their sick, dark web of hate.
I have some clarity this Sunday morning, and I hope to shape it into a mission. I’m not a religious person, but that doesn’t mean I can’t see the quality of their search for the divine. I want to be better, and I want to better starting right now.
I’m not sure what’s next, I just know I don’t wish to see that person again.